A Letter to my Father.

Dear Charles, A lot has happened in the year since you’ve left. Mostly I think about what life would be like if you weren’t gone and realize how much time I took for granted while you still were. I got a tattoo of you in March and I know you never loved that I had tattoos, but I think even you would appreciate this one. I turned 30 this year and I had the best birthday of my life. If you had been here, it would’ve been perfect. I got surgery on my leg because you constantly told me to take care of myself. I took mom out to see Engelbert and she told me it was the first time she could remember being happy in a long time. While I’ve been having some great moments, I have more dark days than I’d like to admit. This year, I fell into the worst depression I’ve ever had. It has been a struggle to maintain some sense of normalcy and I wonder if I will ever actually be okay again. Last month, I forgot you were gone and thought to call you, but then it hit me that I couldn’t and it felt like ice. I have a hard time remembering simple things and I forget a lot, too. Today has been one whole year since you’ve been gone. I wondered how I would make it through a year, but I know that if you could talk to me right now, you’d tell me I’m a fool because I have let my sadness stop me from living. In The Dark Knight, Alfred reminds Bruce to endure and that’s what I have to do, even if I don’t want to. You always told me to live and adventure. We can get more of everything except time and I know you always wanted me to make the most of mine. In your memory, I swear I’m going to. Where are you, dad? I wish you were here to eat all of the candy we’d collect that we didn’t want aka all of mine that had nuts, but this is the first of many reunions on this day, in some way, each and every year. Come visit me tonight when the veil between the two worlds blurs. My eyes and heart are open to you. Happy Halloween, Dadalooie.