Thursday, February 17, 2011

Questioning Everything.

I'm reading this book, but I haven't touched it in awhile. It has to do with cutting your life down to the essentials so you don't work some stupid 9-5 job you're gonna hate and the chapter that I stopped at asked, "What do you REALLY want to do with your life? Regardless of how outrageous it is, write down the NECESSARY steps to get to achieving it." I froze and reached a staggering conclusion; I have NO IDEA what I want to do in any capacity. I find it's so much easier to list what I don't want to do as opposed to what I do. What do I want? I want to be happy, but I know happiness isn't a fish you can catch. Shelby read in her ethics book that we have a better chance at being happy if we don't aim at happiness itself, but rather at the things we enjoy doing.' There's validity in that statement. I'm not saying I'm unhappy; I think I'm doing okay, but lately I just feel unfulfilled. Rhiannon just asked me what I was blogging about to which I said, "I don't know what I want to do with my life" and she said, "You're an artist, dude" and that is true. I make things. I put my degree to good use each time I do. Maybe I just FEEL LIKE I have to have it figured out to a T. At least when you're in school, you're working towards finishing. Charles has been placing a lot of pressure on me to go back and get my teaching degree. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching and I love kids, but I prefer teaching sporadically as opposed to five days a week because I feel like teaching would lose its luster and become mundane. Maybe it's just about keeping yourself excited. Whatever it is, I'm paralyzed with doubt and uncertainty. Does anyone really know what they want to do?

4 comments:

Nikki said...

I am also full of uncertainty, and after a long time of being paralyzed with it, I decided that I was just going to start trying things, because sitting and thinking about what I wanted to do wasn't doing anything. I realized that what was making me unhappy was the feeling that I was waiting for something. At this point I could end up doing pretty much anything and I wouldn't be surprised.
Also hurry up and visit so we can have a pizzapocolypse.

Joanna said...

yeah, if it helps any, know that you're not alone in the uncertainty. cause I feel like that's the only conversation I ever have with any one of my friends anymore.

Matt Benyo said...

I think teaching is the way to go. You love it every time you do it. Why wouldn't you want a group of kids that you grow close to over the period of a year? You can develop and impact these children's lives!

Anonymous said...

Hi Chelsea! (It's Skye, BTW) Uncertainty is the path of the artist. You are phenomenal at teaching, and I think it's great to acknowledge that you don't necessarily want to do it full time. That's ok. And if you change your mind later, then go for the degree or certificate at that time. For now, if you can make things work with sporadic gigs with more time for making, keep doing that. I think that we often forget to acknowledge that as humans we can have many identities and interests, and we are always changing.